Friday, November 14, 2014

Based on Your Search History: Books Edition

I'm not sure when the last time was that I cleared my computer's history and deleted the assortment of cookies that have built up in my system.  This is both a good thing and a bad thing.

And a really amusing thing.

Because when I go browsing for books for gift ideas, I came across an entertaining selection that made me wonder if my computer knows me even as well as my husband knows me.

For your entertainment....

The Snark Handbook


This wasn't the first book recommended, but the one that made me realize there was some internet history in play.  The best part was when I realized that it's not just one book, but the first in a series!

Insults Every Man Should Know


I'm certainly not a man, but I can see the value in this book!  

Insults Every May Should Know includes sections on:
  • Insulting someone's intelligence
  • Insulting someone's sexual prowess
  • Insults for the office
  • Insults for game day
  • Insults throughout history
  • Insults from around the world
What's not to love about that!?


Little Penis:  Oh the Places You'll Grow!


Even Amazon knows I live in an All Boy household....it's my fate.  And so to make me feel better about it, they even suggested a penis book to add some humor to our so-very-not-boring life.

Little Penis:  Oh, The Places You'll Grow! doesn't come across as a child-friendly book that I can share with The Boys, but it does seem like it would be a book full of laughs.

This book recommends using your finger as a puppet as you navigate the pages, however, we all know that guys never follow instructions...


Penis Pokey


Because once you've clicked on one Penis book, Amazon thinks you want to see them all...

Yet another book that I wouldn't think is advisable for younger boys...in this book every scene has one thing missing and the reader is left to (creatively) complete the picture.  Penis Pokey is the book where you get to be the star!

Unless you're a girl.  Then you get to point and laugh at The Star while they read it.


Raising Unicorns:  Your Step-by-Step Guide to Starting and Running a Successful—and Magical—Unicorn Farm!


At first I thought this one was a random suggestion after the penis books, but after a moment's though, I understood what the two have in common.

Raising Unicorns: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Starting and Running a Successful—and Magical—Unicorn Farm! didn't really peak my interest so much because of the topic matter, but because of the level of sarcasm dripping from the reviews of those who have read the book.  I can't help but think we may have a few things in common.


The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm:  A Lexicon for Those of Us Who Are Better and Smarter Than the Rest of You


Speaking of sarcasm!  The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm: A Lexicon for Those of Us Who Are Better and Smarter Than the Rest of You presented itself as a great book idea for all the obvious reasons!  

However, the reviews left me thinking that there were wiser ways to spend my money (such as the Unicorn Farm).  Everyone has their own sense of humor and it would seem that the author thought his to be sarcastic, but his readers seem to disagree.



Saturday, September 20, 2014

Caution: Blessings Ahead

Last week I was scrolling through one of my favorite websites in the world, Tumblr, and I found a quote that reached out and grabbed my heart.

It touched me for so many reasons, primarily because it gave me hope.  For many months now I have felt like I was trudging uphill through an unseen battle that I didn't understand.  I couldn't find logic in it, I couldn't find a reason for it, and even worse, I wasn't in a position to escape it.

I won't go into details on this, but I will assure you that it has nothing to do with my wonderful family or the sweet little boy that we will be adding to it next year.  The details are irrelevant.

The important part is that this quote was like a cloud parting in the sky and allowing a ray of hope to shine down directly into my heart.  It was reassurance that everything is worth it in the end.

And I firmly believe that.

And I firmly believe that it's important to share that.

When I was in middle school I was very much in a Country Music Phase.  Every week the hosts of the nationally broadcast show that I listened to would interview artists so that we could learn more about them, their music, and what brought them to the place that they were at that point in time.

Within a short period of time of each other Faith Hill and Trisha Yearwood (who were both big at the time, if that narrows down a date for you) were featured on the show and they both shared such a similar message that it stuck with me, especially.  They spoke of the trails and the hard times they had been through in their life and how they always tried to keep a positive outlook and they always did their best to persevere because without fail, every difficulty was followed by a blessing they would never have had otherwise.

Each burden lifted and carried made them that much stronger.  Each point that they found themselves broken made them that much more compassionate towards others.  Each dark night ended with a glorious sunrise.

And this quote was a reminder to me of that.  Everything will get better.  Everything will be worth it.  Don't give up because you're hurting now, because the joy that follows this will be so much better than you ever dreamed it could be.  


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Crack Kitten

I woke up at 5:00 a.m. this morning to the many noises of Link, our cat.  He's a loving, well-behaved kitten until almost exactly 5:00 every morning.  Apparently this is the time he has his kitty coffee and kicks into hyper speed.

Crack Kitty is what we call it.

This hasn't been a problem before now because for the last four years I've slept with ear plugs.  Now that the husband has dropped almost 50 pounds in the last three months (take a moment to think about how incredible that is!), he no longer snores and for the sake of my ears, I need to get used to sleeping without ear plugs again.

Which is why the kitten that I usually love and dote on in the mornings is getting scowls and growls from me these days.

This morning he started in on the wooden blinds in our room.  He likes to get behind them and look out, which isn't a problem except that they're heavy and bulky and the bang and clang around when he gets in them.  And when you have one more precious hour of sleep, it's a most unwelcome interruption. 

So I start thinking about what I can do to keep him from being able to get in the blinds in our room.  There are plenty of other blinds on that side of the house that can afford him a view of the dog, he just needs to know that he's not welcome to use the view from our room anymore.

So I'm thinking that I could get some pieces of plexi glass in 5"x18" strips and use L-brackets to mount them to the inside of the window pane where it blocks him from getting his paw behind the blinds to pop them out and let him on the other side.  Cheap and easy and since they would be hidden behind the curtains, it wouldn't be very noticeable.

Once I got the cat to accept that I would cause severe harm to him if he didn't get out of the blinds, he expressed his angst with me by clawing on the side of the bed until I swatted at him.  After that, he decided he'd rather jump up on the bed directly on top of me anyway.  I silently fumed for a moment before swatting him away.

In that moment I envisioned what could be my best invention ever if I had more of an inclination for tinkering.  This invention can be customized for your needs and for the behaviors of your cat, so for those of you who have a cat that 'cracks out' at a certain time of night, you can set the device for that particular time.  In our instance, apparently Link's witching hour is 5:00 a.m., so that's what time I would set ours for.  At shortly before 5:00 a.m. this device would use a variety of sensors to locate the cat and physically catapult/eject the cat from the room. 

Instead of doing just that to the cat that was still—at this time—perched in the middle of my back, I just swatted him off.  He took this as his cue to engage his turbo boosters and spend the next twenty minutes jingling his way through the house at top speed.

This cat is going to be the death of me.  Or him.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

There's Only Grace

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday has disappeared
The dirt has washed away And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace

I was re-arranging my closet as I listened to these words.  It's my semi-annual ritual of swapping the summer clothes with the winter clothes.  As I did this mindless task my thoughts had wandered to goings on in my life, both past and present.

As I belted out the words along with Matthew West, God spoke to me.

You see, as I had been re-arranging my closet, I was in thought about some ugliness that has drifted through the past few years of my life like fog across the still surface of a lake.  I've been trying to figure out why I have continually felt so plagued with others on the outer perimeter of my life causing problems that made me feel almost as if they were trying to steal my happiness.  And I've begun to wonder if that's what it was....I'm happy.

And the more I thought of it, the more I realized that it all coincides with exactly that.

When I found myself as a single mother so many years ago, there was one thing that I came to inwardly realize.  Only I have the ability to make me happy.  And if I couldn't make myself happy, I had no chance of helping anyone else with their happiness.

And this is a difficult thing to do.  You can't just decide "I will make myself happy" and then instantaneously be happy.  It's a struggle.  How do you make yourself happy?  How do you keep others from making you unhappy?  

Over time I realized that my acceptance of myself played a part in my happiness.  I removed frenemies from my life that continually stirred up drama, I stopped looking for a guy to complete me and my little family and started spending my down time in the yard with Ty or on the couch with a book.  I started finding ways of making myself happy, and I found happiness along the way.

And then along came a man.  Mystery Man, as he was known for several months.  And he made me even happier.  We had about 10 months of sunshine-out-our-backsides-happiness before we got engaged in 2010.  

The happiness didn't stop there.  But the trials started.  Around the time we got engaged I felt attacked in various ways.  On our Wedding Day I was under attack in a big way.  Life was giving me all these reasons to be happy, and others on the outside were giving me reasons not to be.

And so it continued.  As Jason and I started our lives together and found our way together, we had to fight off conflict and drama that I've never really had to deal with before.  It all felt very personal and very deliberate, but now in looking back, it feels different.

Over time things have gotten better.  Where problems were before, they are no more.

And where that source of trouble has faded away, another has stepped up to take its place.  

I've been tried in a big way over the past few years.  I've had phases of ugliness that have attacked me and I've had hateful, nasty, uncalled for comments made to me and about me and it's left me feeling quite ugly on the inside as a result. 

My soul has become heavy and weary, so much so that when the song Worn (by Tenth Avenue North) came out, it was instantly my Heart Song.  

I’m tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

And this is where my thoughts were as Matthew West sang Only Grace and I found myself singing along with him.  When I'm worn and I'm broken, I turn to God.  But I also turn in on myself, too.  And when I turn in on myself, it's hard not to feel sorry for myself and to see—both magnified and amplified—all the things wrong with me and all the things I'm missing.  And when the reasons for your unhappiness are all too obvious, it's hard to see others who appear to have it together and have everything that your heart hurts for and not wish that they at least knew a little of the pain that you were feeling.  

I've thought for several years now that these attacks on me may not be what they feel like...what if they're unhappy people struggling to be happy for others.  What if they're wounded souls—like a wounded animal—that strike out at the hands and hearts that could help them if they'd let them.

What if this is why God keeps allowing others to hurt me like this.  Over and over again.  Part of me thinks it's because I'm not bold enough to stand up, speak up and demand "Enough is enough!"...part of me thinks there's a lesson I'm missing out on.

Today, as I sang Only Grace I wondered if it's because I could be an example to those He's trying to reach.  The most hurtful people are all too often the people that have been hurt the most.  This is how they were raised, this is how others have treated them.  This is what they know because it's what they were shown.  The difference between me and them is that I was raised differently.  I was given mercy and love on a regular basis.  I can show them better than they are showing me.  I can give them better than they are giving me.

What if instead of becoming hurt, I became humble?  What if instead of carrying a grudge, I shared grace?

The thought of how very hard it would be is overwhelming.  I can hold a grudge.  I know how to do this.  I've practiced and perfected it for thirty-two years.  Maybe it's time for a little grace instead.  Maybe next time I'm insulted, I can let it slide and understand that the problem really may not lay with me.  The blame doesn't always have to be placed on my shoulders, but if it is, so what.  My God is strong enough to help me carry it.

God works through the difficulties.  Maybe this is His way of telling me to start letting go of my grudges.  And in the process, I can give to others the grace that He's given to me.



Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Getting There | 100 Happy Days

It has been way too long.  I came back here to add a badge to my blog and was greeted with the smiling faces of the Lake Hamilton kids that brightened our morning almost five months ago.

Five months.

Once upon a time I was on this blog several times a day.

Once upon a time I smiled every time I came here...just like tonight when I saw those kids faces.

Once upon a time this was my sanctuary.

Once upon a time, people used my blog and my words as a way of connecting to me and showing they cared for me.  Not ammunition for criticizing me.  Which has been the reason for my absence for far too long.

I'm doing my best to move past that.  The individuals that were using this sanctuary to hurt me four years ago have now embraced me and are learning to love all of me and not just the (limited) socially acceptable parts of me.

Slowly but surely, I'm bleeding the negativity out of my life.  Slowly but surely I'm getting there.

And when I'm fully there, I'll be back here.

Until then, here's some of the happiness I've had in the last 59 days as I've participated in the 100 Happy Days challenge.

*edit* - okay, so the widget will either let me enter my user-name or the hash-tag, not both.  So you're getting my whole Instagram instead of just the #100happydays images.  That's okay, just more to enjoy!

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